Well, I haven't tapped into this blog is quite some time, however, it's not really surprising since I did my first blog on a whim, and whims tend to be fleeting.

So, here comes a whole heap of woe is me. I'm no where near jaded enough to think that I'm the only person in the world who has ever had problems, but today, I need a place to talk about mine.

I've been sick now for over a month. First, it was the flu, then after that a viral throat infection, and after that it was concerns about my body's hormone levels, and the list goes on. It's just really getting old. I can't even remember what it feels like to feel healthy anymore. I'm tired all the time, even if I sleep adequately. I'm hungry, but when I try to eat I get nauseous. I feel hot, even when it's 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside and I'm not wearing a jacket. I try and make healthy life choices, go to the gym, eat properly, drink enough water etc. but it doesn't seem to help. I'll start feeling good for a day or two and then I'll completely hit a wall, and once again feel terrible.

The worst part of it all is I don't know if I'm actually feeling sick or if I'm just imagining all of these things. I honestly don't know which one would be worse. I've seen a doctor twice since this started. The first one had a bunch of tests but never got back to me with the results even though I called, and he said he would email me with some links to some sort of secure online service that they use to provide test results. I sometimes wonder if I'm just talking myself into feeling crappy, if it's really some sort of psychosis or hypochondria.

To compound things, there is no way I can make time to take care of myself any more than I already am. Under ideal circumstances I could take a week or two off to relax and see a doctor to get things straightened out. However, I'm a 3rd year student at university. My life revolves around education, and I can't afford to miss classes or I risk falling behind to a point where I can no longer catch up.The work keeps piling on as we get nearer to midterms. I realize that a person's health should be the first priority, but education is expensive, and I can't afford to fail courses and have to retake a whole semester.

Even though what I'd like to do is take an incomplete in every one of my classes,  I've decided to do a few things that are less rash. I'm going to take this weekend off to go home to see my folks and my dog and see if that doesn't get my mind off of things or make me feel better. If not, I'm just going to have to bear it until spring break, which is three and a half weeks away, when I can see a doctor and get some real time off.

So here I sit. Staring a hole in the computer. Peering out into the internet. Going on about how awful I feel. Not that I expect sympathy, not that I expect anything, but it's at least nice to think things out and put pen to paper. (or is keystrokes to blog post more appropriate? )

/s/
Sarx